Belajar Memaafkan dan Tidak Mendendam

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Oleh: Ust. Abu Abdillah ‘Utsman

Belajar Memaafkan dan Tidak Mendendam

Seringkali kita merasa terzhalimi dan seringkali pula kita sulit untuk memaafkan orang yang menzhalimi kita. Berikut ini beberapa kiat untuk kita menjadi pemaaf :

1. ingat bahwa Allah subhanahu wa ta’alalah pencipta dan pengatur segala apa yang terjadi di dunia. Segala yang terjadi dengan kehendak kauni-Nya. Lalu, kita ingat bahwa semua terjadi dengan hikmah-Nya sehingga kita sadar bahwa kezhaliman yang menimpa kita pasti terkandung hikmah dibaliknya.

2. ingat dosa – dosanya karena tidaklah terjadi pada dirinya sesuatu yang kurang menyenangkan melainkan disebabkan dosa – dosanya. Allah berfirman (artinya) : “ Dan tidaklah menimpa kalian suatu musibah melainkan disebabkan perbuatan kalian sendiri dan Allah masih memberikan ampunan yang banyak.” (QS Syuro 30). Dengan demikian, dia akan sibuk dengan beristighfar dan taubat kepada Zat Yang Maha Pengampun dan tidak banyak berpikir mencela orang yang menzhaliminya. ‘Ali ibn Abi Thalib radhiyallahu ‘anhu berkata : “ Janganlah seorang berharap melainkan kepada rabb (tuhan)nya dan janganlah mengkhawatirkan sesuatu melainkan dosanya.” Diriwayatkan pula : “ Tidaklah datang musibah melainkan disebabkan dosa dan tidak akan diangkat kecuali dengan taubat.”

3. ingat besarnya pahala yang Allah ta’ala siapkan bagi orang – orang yang mau memaafkan orang lain. Allah berfirman (artinya): “ Dan balasan kejelekan adalah kejelekan yang semisal. Barangsiapa mau memaafkan dan memperbaiki maka pahalanya adalah pasti dari Allah. Sungguh Allah tidak suka dengan orang – orang zhalim.” (QS Syuro 40). Ayat ini mengisyaratkan bahwa manusia ketika menyikapi gangguan yang menyakitinya ada tiga golongan :

a) zhalim, ketika dia membalas melebihi kadar sebenarnya

b) pertengahan, ketika dia membalas sesuai kezhaliman yang telah dirasakan

c) muhsin, seorang yang mampu memaafkan dan tidak menuntut haknya.

4. ingat bahwa jika dia mau memaafkan dan  mengampuni maka akan menghasilkan qolbun salim (qalbu yang selamat) dan akan hilang dari dirinya berbagai sifat jelek seperti : dengki, balas dendam, serta berbagai niat jelek lainnya. Di sisi lain akan terasa pada dirinya buah yang manis dan kelezatan yang begitu nikmat dimana nikmat ini jauh lebih berharga dibanding kepuasan yang dirasakan setelah balas dendam. Allah berfirman (artinya) : “ Allah mencintai orang – orang yang berbuat baik.” (QS Ali Imran 134) Dengan demikian, sang pemaaf akan dicintai oleh Allah.

5. ingat bahwa jika mau memaafkan maka Allah akan memuliakannya dan menambah kehormatannya sebagaimana janji Rasulullah shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam “ Tidaklah Allah menambahkan bagi seorang hamba ketika mau memaafkan melainkan kemuliaan.” Kemuliaan dan kehormatan yang diraih dengan memaafkan lebih mulia dibandingkan kemuliaan semu yang dirasakan oleh jiwa ketika sudah melampiaskan dendamnya.

6. ingat bahwa kaedah umum : balasan sesuai dengan perbuatan. Ketika dia sadar kalau banyak dosanya lalu berharap Allah ta’ala mengampuninya; maka jika dia mau memafkan orang lain maka Allah akan memaafkan kesalahannya.

7. ingat bahwa jika dirinya sibuk dengan kebencian pada orang lain, niat balas dendam, dsb maka yang terjadi ialah hilangnya waktu yang sangat berharga, qalbunya akan tersibukkan dengan hal itu dan konsentrasinya akan terpecah. Akibatnya, berbagai manfaat berharga dalam kehidupan akan terluput darinya dan bisa jadi hilangnya berbagai manfaat ini merupakan musibah yang lebih besar dibanding kezhaliman yang telah menimpanya. Beda halnya jika dia mau memaafkan dan lapang dada; maka qalbu dan raganya akan tenang dan berkontrasi untuk hal –  hal yang bermanfaat.

8. ingat bahwa sikapnya yang tidak mau memaafkan ini bertentangan dengan teladan dari Nabi shallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam karena beliau tidak pernah mendendam dan selalu memaafkan kalau ada orang lain menyakiti beliau jika memang sekedar pribadi beliau yang disinggung. Padahal, jiwa beliau adalah semulia – mulianya jiwa, beliau adalah makhluk Allah yang termulia dan siapa yang menyakiti beliau berarti telah menyakiti Allah. Ini semua toh beliau tidak pernah balas dendam hanya untuk kepentingan pribadi beliau. Bagaimana dengan kita dan jiwa kita yang penuh kekurangan dan penyakit jiwa; kenapa kita begitu tinggi hati sehingga tidak mau memaafkan orang lain ?

9. ingat bagaimana janji Allah bahwa Dia bersama orang – orang yang sabar. Allah ta’ala berfirman (artinya) : “ Sabarlah! Sungguh Allah bersama orang – orang yang bersabar.” (QS Al Anfal 46 ). Allah juga mencintai orang – orang yang bersabar sebagaimana firman-Nya (artinya) : “ Dan Allah cinta kepada orang – orang yang bersabar.” Maka, bisa dibayangkan jika Allah bersamanya dengan modal kesabaran akan tertolak darinya berbagai bahaya dan gangguan.

10. ingat bahwa sabar merupakan setengah dari iman. Apakah rela dia mengorbankan setengah dari imannya hanya untuk membela harga dirinya ? Orang yang bersabar akan bisa menjaga kekuatan imannya dan melindunginya dari kekurangan.

11. ingat bahwa dengan sabar maka dia telah mengalahkan hawa nafsunya yang jelek dan bisa mengontrolnya menuju ridho ilahi. Sebaliknya, jika tidak bisa sabar dan memaafkan, ini artinya dia telah kalah dan disetir oleh hawa nafsunya yang kemungkinan akan semakin menjerumuskan dirinya dalam kebinasaan.

12. ingat bahwa dengan sabar berarti dia menyerahkan segala urusan kepada Allah ta’ala sebagai maula dan penolongnya serta memasrahkan urusan orang yang telah menzhalimi kepada Allah rabbul ‘alamin. Sebaliknya, jika dia mendendam dan tidak memaafkan, maka dia terlepas dari pertolongan Allah dan menjadikan dirinya sendiri sebagai penolong. Mana yang lebih baik sebagai penolong, Allah ta’ala yang Maka Kuasa ataukah dirinya sendiri yang serba lemah dan penuh kekurangan ?

13. dengan sabar dan memaafkan akan membantu si zhalim untuk rujuk pada kebenaran, menyesali perbuatannya dan malu. Di sisi lain, manusia akan mencelanya disebabkan kezhalimannya. Akibatnya, kemungkinan besar si zhalim ini akan berubah menjadi penolongnya dan teman dekatnya. Inilah makna dari firman Allah ta’ala (artinya) : “ Balaslah dengan yang terbaik, maka yang tadinya antara dirimu dengannya ada permusuhan akan menjadi teman dekat lagi lembut. Tidak akan bisa mencapai demikian melainkan  orang – orang yang bersabar dan tidak akan bisa mencapainya kecuali orang yang mendapat anugerah yang agung.” (QS Fusshilat 34-35)

14. bisa jadi dengan balas dendam akan membuat si zhalim akan semakin zhalim sehingga yang terjadi akan saling membalas tanpa kesudahan. Sebaliknya, dengan sabar dan memaafkan dia akan aman dari kezhaliman yang lebih besar.

15. seorang yang terbiasa balas dendam dan tidak mau memaafkan lambat laun akan jatuh dalam kezhaliman pula karena jiwa manusia punya tabiat melampaui batas dan tidak bisa adil. Apalagi jika diiringi amarah yang meluap yang berujung pada tindakan dan ucapan yang tidak terkontrol. Akibatnya, dari yang sebelumnya terzhalimi dan berhak mendapat pertolongan berubah menjadi ornag zhalim yang berhak mendapat murka.

16. kezhaliman yang menimpanya termasuk sebab terhapusnya dosa – dosa dan akan menaikkan derajat di sisi-Nya. Jika dia balas dendam dan tidak bersabar maka tidak akan berbuah penghapusan dosa dan kenaikan derajat.

17. jika memaafkan, maka si musuh akan merasa bahwa sang pemaaf lebih tinggi derajatnya dan si musuh merasa lebih hina.

18. Sikap memaafkan dan tidak mendendam merupakan suatu kebaikan; sedangkan kebaikan akan membawa pada kebaikan lainnya. Demikian seterusnya sehingga kebaikannya akan terus bertambah. Hal ini tidak akan tercapai dengan balas dendam dan keengganan untuk memaafkan.

(Diterjemahkan secara bebas dengan beberapa pengubahan dari tulisan Syaikhul Islam Ibn Taimiyah dalam Jami’ul Masail)

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